her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize