You can't special order awesome
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
