Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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