then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize