if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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