you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
