Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
