How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
