I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
