the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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