Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
