you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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