Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
