wrigley field is MILF paradise
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
