Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
