real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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