I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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