You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
