census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize