I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
wow bdsm is so cute
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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