How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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