She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
