Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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