How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize