ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
