There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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