no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In other news, I just burned my penis
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
