in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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