don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
