If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
