Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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