Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
