Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
