I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
