Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
