Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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