Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
