yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
