I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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