who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
