Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize