Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
