Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
