you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
and you fell through a lawn chair
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
