No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
