there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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