:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
