You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
