You're my little dorito
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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