...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
