Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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