i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize