This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
