so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
