I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
