By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
