Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize