Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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