End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
How's work?
Spinning.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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