He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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