my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
