i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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