Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize