it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
