Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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