Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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