Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
