I feel like abortions should bother me more
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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