we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
