hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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