Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize