happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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