I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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