I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
