No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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