i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
