their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
