This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
