just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
