I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
