My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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