I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
