I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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