i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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