he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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