My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Houston, we have a blender
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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