Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
