how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
