If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Help. Why am I so naked?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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