i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
