508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
