i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
