Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
