I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize