my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
