I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
