ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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