Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
