and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
