i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
