Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
