My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
