You were right. It hurts to walk today.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My pussy is not your playground.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
