There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
