ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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