In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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